Forget my major, Letterman's life is the one for me
Mary Rene Smith
Guest Columnist
No one should ever have to choose a major.You should be allowed to take whatever classes you find interesting and useful. You should not be given grades. You should just be given a kind of pass- or fail-judgment based on whether the professor feels you have gotten anything out of the class. After a few years, when you have decided what you like to do most and feel like you can do it, you should get a degree.This strange desire for an overhaul of the system comes from personal experience and frustration. I plan to change majors - again.
I came to K-State a pre-medicine major. I changed to print journalism and now plan to feel out the speech and theater department for a while.
I realize I am not alone in my continuing saga of changing my mind. I have heard of people who have changed their majors more than 10 times. I don't know if they ever actually graduate, though.
See, my problem is that there doesn't seem to be a major offered in what I want to be when I grow up. In some majors, it is really obvious what you are going to do and be when you grow up.
People who are majoring in education generally want to be teachers when they grow up. Accounting majors want to be accountants. Pre-law majors want to be the slimy scum of the earth. For me it is not so easy.
I have narrowed my interests down to a few things I think I would want to do until I die or get fired or find something more interesting. But none of the things I want to do are offered as a major here at our distinguished University.
I would like to be David Letterman. I don't think that is going to happen, so I would settle for making a few million dollars a year to hang out with a good band and famous people, wear great suits and make a national audience laugh every night.
I would like to be Madonna. I don't think that is going to happen either, so I would settle for making a few million dollars a year to hang out with sexy men and women, have perky boobs, be adored around the world and piss off the Pope now and then.
Of course, I do have more realistic goals. Maybe I could be president of the United States.
Yeah, right. I probably have a better chance of being Madonna or David Letterman. I won't ever have enough money to pay off everyone who knows juicy stuff about me. I am also a woman, and although I have great faith in the feminist movement, I don't plan on seeing a female president in my lifetime.
So where does that leave me? All kidding aside, I would like to do just what I am doing now. I would like to get paid to write. I would like to get paid to be funny. Unfortunately, there aren't many advertisements in the Sunday paper that read:
Hey, funny people. Our company is looking for people with a sense of humor, very little work ethic and no sense of style. We offer a great benefit package and incredible pay. Apply now.
If there were employers, ads and/or jobs like that out there in the real world, the University would offer a curriculum to fit the need. There would be a College of Humorous Arts.
In the College of Humorous Arts, there would be no math requirement. No one I have ever met who is truly funny has any ability to do math.
There would be a requirement to attend Student Senate and city commission meetings to learn what is not funny.
The only laboratory requirement would be to watch "Nick at Nite" every night to learn the meaning of classic comedy.
Until the system changes, I will be in search of a major. Like I have said in the past, I am in college until my financial aid runs out or I get a better job offer.
To all the other souls lost in the pursuit of a major, I offer a few words of advice: Quit looking for a degree that will get you a job. Figure out what you like, and take what classes you need to take to eventually get out of here alive.
Guest Columnist Mary Renee Smith writes for the Kansas State University Collegian; her views do not necessarily represent those of the Kentucky Kernel.
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